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Dr. Mom & Dad
Making choices
Drs. Joyce DeLeo and Mark Splaine
Nicholas, born August 1991
Christian, born September 1993
Joyce DeLeo is a researcher who studies the mechanisms of chronic pain; she is a professor of anesthesiology at DMS and the director of Dartmouth's Neuroscience Center. Mark Splaine, a general internist, is an associate professor of medicine and codirector of the Quality Scholars Program at the Dartmouth-affiliated Veterans Affairs Medical Center in White River Junction, Vt. He is a 1991 graduate of DMS, earned a master's degree from Dartmouth's Center for the Evaluative Clinical Sciences, and did his residency at DHMC. They met 19 years ago in Germany, while DeLeo was doing her doctoral research and Splaine was doing research between college and medical school. DeLeo joined the faculty in 1991, and Splaine in 1996. They have two sons, both born while Splaine was a resident.
With one clinician and one researcher, does
that make it easier or harder to balance family
life than if you were both clinicians?
Joyce: I think being a researcher is easier
in that you can control your calendar
more, and you can control when you are
going to do experiments. You aren't
having to schedule patients at certain
times. You can decide when to write
grants and write papers.
Mark: I especially relied a lot on Joyce
during residency. She has some pretty
funny stories about me coming home after
being on call and trying to be an attentive
father and basically falling
asleep. That was a time when it was particularly
challenging, because early on
we had set out the idea that family was
going to be our first priority. Making
sure that happened during that time as
much as it could set important groundwork
for how we did things later.
What are some of those funny stories about
falling asleep?
Joyce: Mark was an intern when Nick
was an infant. I didn't get to see Mark
much that year, and we lived in Lyme in
a place without many neighbors, so it
could be pretty lonely. Mark would come home and barely talk and fall
asleep. One Saturday, I took Nick and
drove all the
"It is so amazing how fast time goes by. Don't rush too much—it is not good for your health or for your family. Try to do just a little less, not more. . . . Try to keep dinnertime sacred. And remember that you can always say 'no.' "
way to Canada and back. I thought that when I got home Mark would have been worried about where we were, but he was still sleeping. He didn't even know we were gone!
What are some of your important family times?
Mark: Dinner is very important in our
family. Also, making time for just the
two of us has been really important.
And it has really been important to plan
ahead and balance both of our careers.
Frequently, one of us is asked to do
something and the other one has to say
no to another opportunity, because
those career choices are never as important
as our family.
Did either of you ever take your kids to work?
Joyce: I never took maternity leave with
either of the boys. I didn't like staying
home, and I had a lab to run and a graduate
student to oversee, so I really
couldn't stay home. I took the boys to
my lab with me when they were babies,
and they still like going in. They might
work in a lab themselves soon.
Mark: It was also fun for me to bring the
boys in for rounds. Patients really enjoy
meeting kids.
Is there anything you've learned that you wish
you'd known when your boys were younger?
Joyce: To relax and laugh more and enjoy
your children to the fullest, especially
when they are young. It is so amazing
how fast time goes by. Don't rush too
much—it is not good for your health or
for your family. Try to do just a little
less, not more—and remember that you
can always say "no." Try to keep dinnertime
sacred by saying no often to work-related
evening activities.
Do you think either of your children will go into
medicine or research?
Mark: I don't think medicine, but both
of them like science, so that may be a
possibility. But we have been very conscious
about letting them do what they
want to do. Chris's current choice is to
be a rock star, a businessman, and then a
scientist. Nick is an excellent writer but
has a strong love for science, too.